Allow

OK....Well I am sacrificing my cleaning time to write! Partially cuz I don't want to clean but Mostly because i want to WRITE. Ive been thinking of all types of things to SHARE with you guys this past week and all though I have made simple changes in my life...its had a BIG ripple effect! A good one. I'm learning slowly but surely that if I "test" the gospel truths out in my life and use faith before i get results awaiting patiently..life is so much more enjoyable. There are many many things in life that make it easier and enjoyable to an extent, however im finding that there's a deeper level of joy that i can tap into through the atonement of Christ. Whenever I would hear the term "atonement" I would automatically think pain, suffering, repentance, forgiveness, Christ, and so forth..which makes sense cause all these things describe it mildly. Atonement means so much more to me now..and its not a term to me anymore..its a daily, minute by minute even in all my seconds feeling of comfort, joy, peace, hope, HELP, love,and brightness..these are just a few words that scratch the surface of the deep literally out of this world POWER that Heavenly father has given us to tap into ALL the time. My relationship with my father in heaven is changing. I use to be so fearful of him..wondering when lightning or famine would strike next..because of my sins and mistakes. I'm learning bit by bit that he is not to be feared. I had him ALL WRONG and it made my religion hard to bear.


Prior to 2010, I had never felt the sting of death to someone close to me. 2010 brought 3 of those stings for me, and all though I counted myself lucky that I had never had anybody close to me die...I am even more grateful NOW that I have walked down that road and felt the loss and the anger, the pain, the tears,..........the hope, the heavens, angels, and I will never forget the LOVE..oh my goodness the love that was felt in the room as my grandma took her last breath was AMAZING..there are NO words on this earth that describe that feeling of total acceptance, love, gratitude, longing, and hope fullness that I felt not only from my now deceased grandmother..but from God. I felt all the judgments and hardships I put and the world puts on me were GONE. I mean imagine that for a moment if you can..a time in the space of time where you are perfect as you are..all your choices up till that moment did not matter because the love, the light the HOPE that you are feeling blinds your natural sinicle self and allows you to be a child..a newborn if you will in her fathers arms. I know how I feel holding one of my newborns...all the aches and pains and hardships of the pregnancy are washed away as I hold my baby..all i have is LOVE and am so proud of them for making the journey. there is no room for judgements. Mother Teresa says if all you do is judge a person there is no room to love them. THUS...my relationship with god has changed forever. I only thought he judged me. After feeling the love that is in his home...heaven there's no way he has room to judge me.

Since all this I have really been able to LET GO of alot of guilt and pain I was putting myself through..not God putting me through it but ME. Knowing this has empowered me to make necessary changes in my life to feel that love again...constantly...and I have. I've "tested" being obedient to commandments and laws that before I would justify were not for me..such as keeping the sabbath holy (this one was and is hard for me, and so EASY to justify not needing it in our day and age) But as I have done what he has asked..I have found a certain easiness throughout my week that never accompanied me before..a softness if you will to everything that comes my way. Do I still lose my temper? Yes..but not as much and not as bad. Another one that i have struggled with is Prayer...is use to view it as a box I needed to check off and when I didn't then the guilt would set in. Now..there are no rules to my praying I don't TRY to pray morning day and night..I just do it when i need to..I ALLOW myself to drop the rules and listen with my heart. because of this new freedom I find myself praying more than I ever have before. I need him to help me. I am so not happy without a direct line of communication with him throughout the day..so I pray. It became really simple when I cut out all the "to do's" and "don'ts" and all the endless TRYING! ...THUS... my new year resolution is to stop TRYING and just ALLOWING.

Love, hope, kindness, the holy ghost, God, my dreams coming true, prosperity, knowledge, awesome relationships, truth, excellent mommy, healthy, toned body, great marriage, eternal family, forgiveness, enlightenment,self control,spirit free, debt free, self reliance.....etc. etc. etc. ALL of this and so so much more is all ready here for me I just need to ALLOW it to be!

Heavenly Father is excellent at taking care of all the details..If I'd just ALLOW him too.
Here are a few examples I'll share with you of small details that God has taking care for me just in the past 24 hours..

Yesterday I noticed Tavis fairly new pants had a hole in them..I thought to myself..we better get him some new ones since that's one of only 2 pair that he has. within 2 hours a friend dropped a bag of clothes her daughter had outgrown and in them were a pair of really cute size 6 (just his size) boys pants...random? I think not

Today, I ran out of all my fruit and veggies and since I have totally changed my diet to no sugar and only healthy stuff I didn't know what to really do (pay day isn't for a little bit) and I don't buy groceries until payday..a rule I abide by. I have been doing so so well..food is fuel to my mind and body now and nothing more. I really didn't want to feel the effects of a plate of nachos or a bowl of ice cream (which i have plenty of because i don't consume those things in huge allotments anymore..actually at all) a righteous desire I so do believe. I had JUST gotten done on the treadmill listening to Matthew chapter5 in the new testament and one of the things Jesus taught in that sermon was to take no thought for the morrow..for food or raiment, for clothes for housing etc. something about how he takes care of the birds and how they worry not yet they are taking care of..and how much better are we..you know the story..if not read it..its very enlightening or listen to it on the new Mormon channel! ANYWAYS... I had just heard those words and a knock came on my door. There stood my humble step dad..Joe with a bag full of all kinds of fruits veggies, salad, and a foot long sub on wheat with ham and spinach. My mom and Joe were just thinking of me and wanted to show how much they love me! my mouth fell open and my eyes teared up..I couldn't believe it. Seriously could not believe it...they didn't know that I was without those things and wanting them..but God did. I suppose these could be chocked up to be just coincidences...But this kind of stuff happens to me ALL THE TIME. My journal is FULL of all the details God takes care of when I allow him to through my obedience to his laws..I live a Miracle full life day to day and its all because of my savior and his sweet atonement. Even though I live in hard times and in a cruel world...my life has been heaven on earth..because luckily..God and his love never changes!!!