Life after

I talked to my dad yesterday. Iwas in my car driving down the freeway and wanted to call my dad to check up on him, hear his voice, and let him know that I loved him. Just like I did when he was alive. The thought came to me that I still could..I didn't even hesitate in my mind with the how's and why's..I just started talking to him. The minute I started I felt him close by. Now I don't know if he can hear me, I don't know if he can visit me, I don't know how all that works. But I don't need to know. All I know is that I felt him close to my heart...so I talked..I told him I loved him and as a said the words out loud I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I suppose I cried because I miss him but I think I cried even more because I still feel connected to him. I'm still his daughter and he is still my father. That connection has not been broken even through death. I didn't hear his voice but I felt the same way inside as I did when I use to hear his voice...safe. Impressions came to me about how he was doing and I talked to him about it. Every once in awhile I would notice people in the car next to me staring..I'm sure I was a sight to see...tears and snot running down my face...crying talking and laughing with noticeably nobody in the car. I didn't care.

2weeks before he passed I got the chance to talk and cry with him about his journey ahead...death...and his life after. We cried together on his hospital bed..his feeble cancer ridden body shaking to it's core. He was afraid....I was afraid. He told me all of us are afraid to an extent. He had a strong testimony of the plan of salvation, he taught me all about it as my father....but as we sat there..his spirit strong his body dying...it was a journey he was being beckoned to take. I could not go with him...Nore did I want to..but a part of me wanted to comfort him in some way that it was true... But I couldn't. I believed it was...I've experianced the love that is in the room when someone dies..so I just shared with him the little I did know about the life after...it was full of love. I suppose it's easy for u to believe in life after when we are not faced with crossing over to it. I believe it's our last act of faith. To go to the edge of the light and take a step. Hoping not fearing...until the savior takes our hands to lead us the rest of the way...but there is that short span of time where it's somethin you bear on your own..it's a very personal thing death...just as birth is..it's not something you do with your husband or wife..your children your friends...nobody is there to do it for you or tell you for sure that your goin to see your loved one again....you have to just believe.

I talked to dad about that yesterday....I reminded him about that moment of fear..and asked him about it. I pictured him smiling...sharing in the moment of gratitude with me for that conversation and almost laughing at himself for ever questioning what he is in now...life after. I felt at peace and believe that he surely is happy. I felt a little silly...but also felt better. I asked him to give Jesus a hug for me and to thank him for the atonement that has made it possible for me to still feel like I have a dad and that I am still his daughter. Im not sure if he even can talk with Jesus yet...but if he can I asked him to do that for me....just one more way I can thank him other than prayer. I know this sounds crazy and maybe it is by today's standards... But I feel better. I do believe loved ones are still involved in our lives here in their lives after.

Even if he never even heard me....I heard me and it was healing to my soul...what more can you ask.
Thank you moose for sharing that you have written emails to your friend who has passed...that story went through my mind as I was missing my dad...it helped me not feel so weird and alone.

I feel closer to the life after because my dad who loves me very much is there...which means there's a part of me there too...in his heart and in his memories. I love you dad...I look forward to seeing you again.


Love dusti