Hugs and kisses

Okay if you know me these things I just don't do. I do not hug and certainly not kiss hi goodbye or anything. I don't know why I have just all ways been REALLY uncomfortable with all the mushiness of friendships etc.

Well NOT NO MORE..my friends. well its been awhile that I have wanted to hug people hello and goodbye or just to say I appreciate you...or to mourn with you or whatever but I Couldn't...seriously physically couldn't...before it was because I didn't want to ..it was uncomfortable but for the past few years I would find myself wanting to hug people..and then taking a step to but quickly reminding myself that I don't do that stuff. Even my best friend my sista..KNOWS that its very uncomfortable to me so she doesn't and if she ever did she would joke with me to make it so not awkward...Well I've been really really working on this for I'd say the past year..(secretly). and now It's fun to see people's faces when I hug them randomly..not people I just met..cuz they dont know thats wierd for dusti to do..but people like Brittany my best friend since highschool or mandy My sister..they don't really know what to think about it because that was one characteristic that use to define me..I say USE to because I do not ALLOW it to anymore.

How much of my History defines what I do today? I wondered that awhile back and it became apparent to me that "rules and regulations" i used to define me back in jr. high were still in effect today at age 29. CRAZY! Yes I am I know but crazy good! It has been hard I'll tell ya..really hard to break that mold..that comfort zone I have been staying/hiding in for too long. What was interesting to me was that even though my growth within was urging me to Hug and kiss loved ones and the desire was there..I walked into a barrier of "Dusti's code of do's and dont's" that was hard to get past..but I did it..by making a NEW AGREEMENT WITH MY REALITY. I pondered on what new agreements I wanted to make with myself and it was apparent to me that this one the one on showing affection had to be re written. You would think that would be the end of that old ridiculous rule right? Nope. What I found was that some of the people closest to me had a hard time with the change. not because they didn't want me to show affection but I think because we all get in comfort zones with each other and what we have taught each other who we are and how to treat us..when someone starts to shed those rules and allows themeselves to become a "new creature" if you will..it changes things..like your relationships and friendships. I found in one particular situation that not with this change but others I have been working on...they just could't handle it..they did not want me to change. and so I had to say "goodbye". as hard as that was for me It was necessary for my growth. The people I choose to be in my 'inner circle of influence" must be able to adapt and not hold me to a life of rules regulated by our history together. So I am happy to announce that I am officially a Hugger! and nOt only that...but I take part in the "mushy" I appreciate you talks more and more these days finding myself opening up to deeper stronger relationships. YES I am taking a risk at being vulnerable..but the more I re write my own agreements in life I find that if I truly want to be free..I have to allow myself that vulnerability..i may not be blocking pain,hurt and judgement anymore but with that I am also not blocking, Love, kindness, friendships and happiness. My history is not good it is not bad..it just IS. all I need to do is live for today and hope for tomorrow..totally cheesy..this I know. BUT TRUE!


Heres to a tomorrow full of new agreements and HUGS n KISSES!

Love DUSTI