Allow

OK....Well I am sacrificing my cleaning time to write! Partially cuz I don't want to clean but Mostly because i want to WRITE. Ive been thinking of all types of things to SHARE with you guys this past week and all though I have made simple changes in my life...its had a BIG ripple effect! A good one. I'm learning slowly but surely that if I "test" the gospel truths out in my life and use faith before i get results awaiting patiently..life is so much more enjoyable. There are many many things in life that make it easier and enjoyable to an extent, however im finding that there's a deeper level of joy that i can tap into through the atonement of Christ. Whenever I would hear the term "atonement" I would automatically think pain, suffering, repentance, forgiveness, Christ, and so forth..which makes sense cause all these things describe it mildly. Atonement means so much more to me now..and its not a term to me anymore..its a daily, minute by minute even in all my seconds feeling of comfort, joy, peace, hope, HELP, love,and brightness..these are just a few words that scratch the surface of the deep literally out of this world POWER that Heavenly father has given us to tap into ALL the time. My relationship with my father in heaven is changing. I use to be so fearful of him..wondering when lightning or famine would strike next..because of my sins and mistakes. I'm learning bit by bit that he is not to be feared. I had him ALL WRONG and it made my religion hard to bear.


Prior to 2010, I had never felt the sting of death to someone close to me. 2010 brought 3 of those stings for me, and all though I counted myself lucky that I had never had anybody close to me die...I am even more grateful NOW that I have walked down that road and felt the loss and the anger, the pain, the tears,..........the hope, the heavens, angels, and I will never forget the LOVE..oh my goodness the love that was felt in the room as my grandma took her last breath was AMAZING..there are NO words on this earth that describe that feeling of total acceptance, love, gratitude, longing, and hope fullness that I felt not only from my now deceased grandmother..but from God. I felt all the judgments and hardships I put and the world puts on me were GONE. I mean imagine that for a moment if you can..a time in the space of time where you are perfect as you are..all your choices up till that moment did not matter because the love, the light the HOPE that you are feeling blinds your natural sinicle self and allows you to be a child..a newborn if you will in her fathers arms. I know how I feel holding one of my newborns...all the aches and pains and hardships of the pregnancy are washed away as I hold my baby..all i have is LOVE and am so proud of them for making the journey. there is no room for judgements. Mother Teresa says if all you do is judge a person there is no room to love them. THUS...my relationship with god has changed forever. I only thought he judged me. After feeling the love that is in his home...heaven there's no way he has room to judge me.

Since all this I have really been able to LET GO of alot of guilt and pain I was putting myself through..not God putting me through it but ME. Knowing this has empowered me to make necessary changes in my life to feel that love again...constantly...and I have. I've "tested" being obedient to commandments and laws that before I would justify were not for me..such as keeping the sabbath holy (this one was and is hard for me, and so EASY to justify not needing it in our day and age) But as I have done what he has asked..I have found a certain easiness throughout my week that never accompanied me before..a softness if you will to everything that comes my way. Do I still lose my temper? Yes..but not as much and not as bad. Another one that i have struggled with is Prayer...is use to view it as a box I needed to check off and when I didn't then the guilt would set in. Now..there are no rules to my praying I don't TRY to pray morning day and night..I just do it when i need to..I ALLOW myself to drop the rules and listen with my heart. because of this new freedom I find myself praying more than I ever have before. I need him to help me. I am so not happy without a direct line of communication with him throughout the day..so I pray. It became really simple when I cut out all the "to do's" and "don'ts" and all the endless TRYING! ...THUS... my new year resolution is to stop TRYING and just ALLOWING.

Love, hope, kindness, the holy ghost, God, my dreams coming true, prosperity, knowledge, awesome relationships, truth, excellent mommy, healthy, toned body, great marriage, eternal family, forgiveness, enlightenment,self control,spirit free, debt free, self reliance.....etc. etc. etc. ALL of this and so so much more is all ready here for me I just need to ALLOW it to be!

Heavenly Father is excellent at taking care of all the details..If I'd just ALLOW him too.
Here are a few examples I'll share with you of small details that God has taking care for me just in the past 24 hours..

Yesterday I noticed Tavis fairly new pants had a hole in them..I thought to myself..we better get him some new ones since that's one of only 2 pair that he has. within 2 hours a friend dropped a bag of clothes her daughter had outgrown and in them were a pair of really cute size 6 (just his size) boys pants...random? I think not

Today, I ran out of all my fruit and veggies and since I have totally changed my diet to no sugar and only healthy stuff I didn't know what to really do (pay day isn't for a little bit) and I don't buy groceries until payday..a rule I abide by. I have been doing so so well..food is fuel to my mind and body now and nothing more. I really didn't want to feel the effects of a plate of nachos or a bowl of ice cream (which i have plenty of because i don't consume those things in huge allotments anymore..actually at all) a righteous desire I so do believe. I had JUST gotten done on the treadmill listening to Matthew chapter5 in the new testament and one of the things Jesus taught in that sermon was to take no thought for the morrow..for food or raiment, for clothes for housing etc. something about how he takes care of the birds and how they worry not yet they are taking care of..and how much better are we..you know the story..if not read it..its very enlightening or listen to it on the new Mormon channel! ANYWAYS... I had just heard those words and a knock came on my door. There stood my humble step dad..Joe with a bag full of all kinds of fruits veggies, salad, and a foot long sub on wheat with ham and spinach. My mom and Joe were just thinking of me and wanted to show how much they love me! my mouth fell open and my eyes teared up..I couldn't believe it. Seriously could not believe it...they didn't know that I was without those things and wanting them..but God did. I suppose these could be chocked up to be just coincidences...But this kind of stuff happens to me ALL THE TIME. My journal is FULL of all the details God takes care of when I allow him to through my obedience to his laws..I live a Miracle full life day to day and its all because of my savior and his sweet atonement. Even though I live in hard times and in a cruel world...my life has been heaven on earth..because luckily..God and his love never changes!!!

New Year...Old Hope

I am going to have a new blog Ive just now decided. A blog of just anything and everything. I don't know if you know this about me but I LOVE TO WRITE! Its such a passion and gift I have and yet I only do it in my journal. Another thing about me I'm pretty sure you don't know is that I LOVE TO SHARE! I am not one of those chicas who keeps to themselves..if I find something that works for me..I want it to work for EVERYBODY whether my discovery is a new truth of deepness in life or a new kind of toilet paper that wipes better...I want you to know about it!! So I'm going to combine the two passions this new year to WRITE & SHARE.

I have fears..you want to know them I just know it...here goes...I am scared that I will offend somebody with my philosophies on life, I'm fearful that you will judge me a little and a lot, i am scared to be ME..the real me all the time in every post with no editing involved, I am scared you will not except me, or like my sense of humor and laugh at me instead of with me I am scared that I will use too many exclamation marks!!!!!! I am fearful that you will see the weak side of me...But most of all I am scared to go out of my comfort zone and be vulnerable....


FEAR I am going to crush you this new year.....I want to WRITE&SHARE!! I will not let you accomplish much in discouraging me away from what I REALLY want to do. JUST BE ME!!!


Here's to a new year with old hopes renewed!!!


Love Dusti

Dad...

Oh How I miss you. I saved a voice mail that you left me a year ago. I accidently came across it yesterday..and even though its been all most a month since you've passed...I broke down in tears, knowing that I would never hear your voice again in my life here on earth. Its wierd Dad, Its really odd not to have you there in Missouri. Even though we didn't see each other much because we lived so far apart..atleast you were there. Now you are gone..to a place where I can't call to check up on you, to a place where I can't fly or drive to hug you and rub your bald head! Dad..I miss you. I want to thank you for the tearful visit we had just 2 weeks prior to your departure...I am so happy you got to meet Olivia to play and see her sweet smile. I love you and miss you. But am happy that you won your battle here on earth and are now in Peace..from any temptation or sickness. I love you dad. I miss you.


Until we meet again,
Love daddys girl

Its been awhile....

She is my little chunker..17 pounds all ready!!

Hailey Is my little artist
Tavis is my litte Man..he helps so much!

Wow this 3 kid thing is AWESOME! My life is so full right now I love it! ahh the days of sleeping in and getting ready whenever we want ..are SOOOO GONE! For someone like me who is NOT a schedule person.. AM kindergarten has kicked my booty. But all is well..Olivia is allmost 4 months all ready and I am just about to be able to say that I am somewhat getting on a semi working routine. Before I had Olivia I had this mommy house wife thing down to a tee..my house was beautiful and clean my children were played with and read to and my hubby had a hot wife that ironed his work clothes and made breakfast lunch and dinner!! this has not been the case the past few months! BUT hope is not lost...I have really enjoyed the past 4 months, even though im not super wife/homemaker we all love each other..and I know this is just a time and season and I love it..let me explain why in one word..OLIVIA!! You guys she is sooooooooo so so so a baby every woman prays for. I call her my "nate baby" because she is soo ultra easy going like her daddy. My first 2 take after their mommy..high maitenence. Not Olivia she has been an angel since the day she was born. I put her in her nursery at 3 or 4 weeks..that is crazy for me but she sleeps through the night. Infact I put her down last night at 7PM she woke up this morning at 4 to eat and then slept till 6 and then decided she wanted to play..she is so cute and I just love her so much! Not that I dont love my others sooo much but I did not enjoy their babiness like i have enjoyed Olivias. Lots of factors play into that Im sure but she is just sooo good that it makes it easy to enjoy. I Love having a baby in the house again..its been 4 years since hailey was a little one and I didnt know how much I missed it! The baby lotion, the diapers, the baths, the cooing and smiling..oh I just LOVE IT! This time its fun too because Hailey and Tavis are old enough to enjoy it as well. They LOVE her and its been fun to fall in love with Nate again in that way you do with every baby that comes into your family..you know as you watch your hubby hold and cuddle your little one your heart melts again and again! Olivia is my calm in the chaos of our life. When she wakes up to eat she talks, plays, and laughs..I rarely hear her cry. Im tellin ya..if I was gauranteed 3 more like her..I would do it in a second! Anyhow..life is good and heres some pictures of what we have been up to!

More pictures of my Livvy lu...

Thankyou to the ever so talented Jen Iverson for these pictures..(she took them all in my kitchen) Now that's talent!!!

Its my pleasure to Introduce....

Olivia Jo Murray
July 19th 2010
7 Pounds 7 Ounces
19 and a half Inches


I did it..well we did it.. Olivia and I held out till she was fully baked at 39 weeks!! I love having healthy plump babies!! I went in that Monday afternoon to my unscheduled doctors visit because she had not moved much all day long and that was very unusual for my unborn baby. Because it was unscheduled..i waited for all most 2 hours..well during those 2 hours I started contracting regularly..which I had been doing on and off for 2 months now..so I didn't think much of it in fact i ignored it..too many false calls and trips to Labor and Delivery in the past couple months to add one more to the tally. So there I am thinking about what we are going to have for dinner when I get home when my doctor checks me and says..:"well Dusti you are dialated to a 5 and the reason your baby isnt moving much is because you are in labor"..I looked at him and said with a sarcastic tone to my voice "Real Labor"? He answered me by picking up the phone and calling labor and delivery to let them know I was on my way to be checked in. As I waled out of the doctors office I reached in my purse to get my phone so I could give My Hubby a heads up that Olivia's head was way down and coming out soon! But wouldn't you know it...I left my phone at home..Luckily I was only minutes away and all ready had all the kiddies clothes packed and mine as well. I had Nate drop me off to the hospital so I could check in while he dropped Hailey and Tavis off to my Sistas for the night. My contractions were coming hard now and they hurt. For some reason the nurse couldn't find me in the computer (even though I had just been there 2 weeks prior) and admissions were taking their sweet time...so I sat there in my cute hospital gown unhooked, unmonitored for an hour (its policy that i cant be helped until I'm on the computer) mean while my contractions are getting worse and the moment Nate walked in the room he had to deliver Olivia all by himself.......HAHAHAHA just kidding!! Just Kidding!!!

They finally got me hooked up and my epidural that only worked on one side for awhile, then broke my water. 2 hours later and 2 pushes..Our 3rd child Olivia Jo Murray came into this world! Luckily the epidural kicked in just in time. Time seemed to stop for the three of us. all the nurses and doctors left the delivery room where Nate, Olivia and I had time, peace and bonding working for us now. She wanted to nurse right away and she's a natural at it. (I'm sooo thankful) After that the next few days are a blur, other than I didn't rip or have to get cut so my recovery has been awesome. Now here I sit Blogging on my first day with all three of my angels napping peacefully (for now). I love being a mom, and for some reason with each one it gets better..its all most like you stop worrying about the petty things and stop to enjoy the rare brief moments a newborn brings into your life. I LOVE IT!!!

(pictures courtesy of my oh so talented sista..Mandy!)

My prego pictures! (8 1/2 months)

I loved this stage of pregnancy..I had so much fun with my round belly and loved how much my baby girl moved inside..there's nothing like it!!
Thanks to my sisters constant nagging..and talent of photography..I have these beautiful pictures to remember it by! Thanks Mandy.